eventually120

omg omg i dont know if i can handle this anymore. why does anyone have to know. she is making me so fucking mad. leave me the hell alone. stop making this about you. you make me just want to run away. obviously i have deeper issues that you can't handle and that you dont help me with. is that what youre so fucking caught up about. that you dont help when we talk about stuff? for once youre not helping. so stay out of this and treat me like you always used to. I DONT WANT TO COME TALK TO YOU ABOUT STUFF THAT IS PERSONAL. THATS THE END OF IT. I AM SICK OF TALKING TO YOU ABOUT STUFF WHEN IT'S JUST THE SAME STUFF OVER AND OVER AGAIN. maybe you're annoyance is part of the issue. you annoy me sometimes but HEAVEN forbid i tell you that because you're never wrong. you find reaonsfor why youre right all the time. excuses excuses excuses. STOP STOP STOP.










i have no one left.

Hey guys, keep strong!

I'm feeling good- it's 5:45 here and I haven't eaten anything all day!
 
Just water, tea, and a dr. pepper.

Since it's easter and everything- I told myself that I would not eat until 4:00, and then maybe have something really small and light.


It's definitely 5:30 and I still haven't eaten anything! Yay! I feel on track.

I'm going to go on my first real liquid fast Monday- anyone wanna do it with me? I'm going to try for Tuesday as well- but I don't know. We'll see I guess.

Today was okay.

Went and talked to the counselor because I did it again a little bit and had horrors of her telling the rents. She swore she wouldn't. phewwwwwwwwwww. i don't know whats wrong... one minute i'm up and the next i'm down. I just hate it.... I just want to feel happy but then at the same time I like the sad feeling. maybe it makes me feel more human?? I don't know.

so the only three people in the world that know about s are

mr  reed
zach
mrs jones

thats more than I would like! god.

but my eating is going okay today...

5 crackers
spoon full of icing
but i resisted the hominy! yay!

I have no idea how many calories that is... but I'm not feeling hungry so I don't know?!

My first entry, not really intended for anyone else to read except me... but I guess I don't mind if anyone reads it.

I'm feeling hopeful, but then again, I've felt this feeling before. It's that misleading feeling that for real this time- I will do it. I have to keep reading the inspirational messages I find and the websites that keep me going. I want this time to be for real. It's almost summer, and I want to be able to swim and be happy. The boy, when he comes, I want him to be amazed. I don't want to be second anymore. I want to be first. I want everything and this is the start to it all.

I read inspirational things.... I know I can do it. Start now.